Blitzkrieg of the Flower People

So, I've gotten twenty-nine emails in the past two days from various on-line flower shops trying desperately to remind me that Valentine's Day is approaching and I will feel like a robot-style cold-blooded jerk if I don't send a big bunch of flowers to everyone I know, but especially my wife.

Twenty-nine emails is such a dramatic jump in the volume of communications from the flower people over previous years that it has started me speculating that maybe they are in severe financial straights or something. You know, what with the recent global economic meltdown and the toughest financial conditions since the Great Depression.

Ah, the Great Depression. I've been hearing an awful lot of references to the Great Depression lately--but somehow, the conditions I see around me don't seem to really stack up to that level of global calamity and misfortune. Sure, times are tough--don't get me wrong--but they're not as tough as they were for as many people. Folks are still buying Taco Bell and Oreo Cookies. Still watching enough DVD's to keep those red kiosks in business and ensure that Lion King Two is never available to rent when my kids want to watch it.

Of course, all of this depression era thinking and self reflection has got me wondering about whether people even celebrated Valentine's Day during the Great Depression or whether it's just another one of those holidays made up by the greeting card, candy and flower people to milk us out of more of our hard earned cash during a global economic crisis in which we need it more than ever. Boy, they would sure be robot-style cold-blooded jerks if they were up to something as nefarious as that!

Well, as it turns out, Valentine's Day isn't just a recent addition to the calendar and people were celebrating it, not just during the Great Depression, but since 496 AD. Which is a while ago. I mean, 496 AD makes Valentine's Day a contemporary of Christmas. That's old.

So, anyway, I guess that's legitimate enough to clear the names of the greeting card, candy and flower people this time. They didn't manufacture the holiday out of whole cloth the way they did with Secretary's Day and the Fourth of July. Still, twenty-nine emails is about twenty-eight emails too many. Enough with the constant bombardment! My wife doesn't want flowers! That would be too easy.